Sacrifice

This one will probably be short. And in short, it is more a confession. There are certain things that we all love to hold on to. Things that we relish being in control over. Things that hinder us from obedience to the Lord. I wasn't really sure that sacrifice was the word that came between "daughter" and where I am now, but looking back, I see that sacrifice is the first step to purging and refining our lives to become more like Christ.

The things that I found were hardest to sacrifice were my time and my words. I spend a lot of my time by myself. Which I justify by saying that I am an introvert, which is extremely true; but in the end is just that, a justification. I like controlling my time because I means that I decide what is beneficial to me and what is too much effort. Being thrust into a position of leadership that I daily feel inadequate to carry out has really taught me that in order to speak truth into someone you have to know them. Which takes time and effort. See how that came back around? So suffice it to say that my time is something I have had to and daily relinquish to the will of the Lord.

Which brings us to the other thing I really pride myself on, and that is words. Maybe it's because I'm an English major, and maybe it is because people have always told me that one of my spiritual gifts is encouragement. Be that as it may, I always rely on the words I can come up with to say to speak truth into people rather than listening for the Holy Spirit to give me the words of the Lord to speak into others. What a selfish thing to do. And how often to I cut God off or rob others of hearing His truths because I think I know better? It absolutely shames me.

I realize that this is more of a monologue than anything, but just so it's out there. Things that take the most time and effort and at some points seem futile are sometimes the ones that are most fruitful. My prayer has been than any time I spend that it be equitable for His kingdom, and any words I say may be His. I don't think I realized what I was praying when I asked for that because now I'm constantly convicted of spending time idly watching Lost on Netflix or just saying words to say them.

A sacrifice of my time and my words for His. For purging my numerous impurities in the fire of redemption.