Forgiveness

I thought about naming this bitterness. But this part of my journey isn't so much about how I dealt with my bitterness but more about how I learned to overcome it. For me the process of forgiveness was harder to deal with than the bad feelings I was harboring towards the one that hurt me.

This process started when I was hurt by my Father, whom I dearly love, by lying and deception. A couple years later, still hurting, I had prophetic words spoken over me that essentially reminded me that our human nature is not to forgive. Therefore when we are put in a place where we have to do so we are stretched until we don't think we can anymore, and then we go some more. Did that make sense?

 I began to stretch.

Stretching is NOT fun. It hurts. It hurts your heart, your pride and your ability to surrender. Your heart because purging of anger forces you to talk and think about why you are angry to begin with. Pride because a lot of times forgiveness isn't asked for but is still necessary to give. My Father has not asked for my forgiveness, but still he must receive so that my walk with the Lord not be blinded by my inability to attempt to replicate this part of His character. I mentioned surrender because there is no earthly way to forgive some things on your own. You have to allow God to take your anger and throw it into the sea of never ending mercies and grace as He did for us.

All summer I thought I had forgiven my Father even though I was hurting and processing. I thought I had put it behind me and was able to move on. Until I heard a sermon on Ephesians 4:31-32 on October 21. Yeah, I know it took me a while. I'm a little slow on the uptake and weary from running the marathon of emotions that all of these things brought through the summer and beginning of fall.

These verses say "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you."  Let's start off with the face that Paul just lays all the possible ways you could ever not like somebody, or hold ill will towards them and tells you to put it away. Not that easy, right? That's the surrender part. He then goes on to say essentially that being kind, tender hearted and forgiving all flow from the same thing, which is "as Christ forgave you." Forgiveness is what enables us to be compassionate towards those who deserve nothing. Forgiveness takes away the excuse of trying to justify your actions and replaces it with a heart that is more like Christ. So when we make the decision not to forgive somebody it hinders our relationship with God by robbing us of seeing and experiences on of the most beautiful parts of His character.

Forgive as Christ forgave. Be willing to make a sacrifice of pride, just as Christ sacrificed His body. Be willing to forgive even if it was never asked for. Be wiling to confront your actions and attitudes of bitterness head on. It will hurt, but the reward is seeing the heart of Christ. When God forgave us, he forgave a great deal more than what I have to forgive my Father of. But He still did it, willingly and first without my asking for it. He also doesn't bring it back up when I continuously let Him down. He doesn't let my past transgressions get in the way of our current relationship. And that is when it hit me. That I can say I have forgiven Him all I want, but until I put aside ALL ill will and am able to speak to him without the wrench in my stomach or the flutter in my heart, but with love, tenderness and compassion just as Christ forgave me, it is a lie from Satan to prevent me from growing in Christ.

We resist this form of forgiveness because we are so focused on what was done TO us rather than what was done FOR us; which is HIS story, not mine, of glorious redemption through tragedy and hurt. Embrace the tension of human nature and God's character. Embrace the freedom that comes from unshackling yourself from the burden of anger, bitterness, clamor, slander and malice. "Live in freedom, Child of Mine."