Provision

This, like daughter, is a word that is written all across my story. It is the first word that my mother and I prayed after my Dad first lost his job. Lord, provide. The first verse that we wrote down and plastered to our mirrors and minds was Phillipians 4:19 "And my God will supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." I know it sees pretty simple, but when it hits you that His glory and riches are infinite and that he wants to freely bestow and lavish us with love and provision it isn't as hard to lay down your pride and ask for a little help when you feel like you're scraping the bottom of the barrel just to come up with what you need.

 Notice that is says He will supply what you NEED. Let that sink in. Maybe it will dawn on you a little sooner than it did me that want and need aren't really synonymous. There are times I remember where I didn't know how we were going to buy groceries for the week. There are times I remember crying myself to sleep because I didn't know whether we were going to be able to keep our house. And in those times I didn't feel like God was being a shoulder to cry on,  but just like daughter, in hindsight I see that He was there. He was a shoulder to cry on. He was whispering to me in a still, small voice that I can only hear in remembrance (don't worry, that one is coming) that said "I have it under control. All things work together for your good and my glory. I love you."

Sometimes the Lord has to almost literally smack me across the face with physical provision when I am feeling anxious. This has come in the form of people putting money in our mail box, buying us groceries and the like. What a blessing. What provision. The Lord has provided for me more than money. He has provided me with a trust in His abilities. A realization that when I am anxious it is because I don't think He is bigger than my immediate problems and anxieties. The list could go forever and grow day by day. I never want to lose sight of what He has provided and never lose the trust that He will provide. For a control freak it is really freeing to know that I am not in control of everything. It is freeing to know that I can lay all of my burdens as the feet of a sovereign God that redeems all things.

Don't believe me? Go read Job, and Romans 8, then 2 Corinthians 4, then Psalm 23, then Psalm 124.